I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i believe in u and ur pee
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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