Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
