i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
