we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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