I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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