I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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