It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need to calm my uterus...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
