This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
