We named our party play list daddy issues
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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