How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize