I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
