i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
