community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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