Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
