You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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