For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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