My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
someone owes me an orgasm
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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