they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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