I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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