As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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