Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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