Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
