Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize