also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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