do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
