God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Acid is not a monday night drug
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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