my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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