the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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