uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize