i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
