So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
