Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
