i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
