Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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