I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
