i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
