Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
