she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
