Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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