the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize