Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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