Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
