when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
