apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
