can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
