Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
