Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
