Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
