The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
