I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
