This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
