Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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