We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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