Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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