So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
