I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
