She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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