if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
