she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
