New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
