sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
