Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize