We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
