I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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