honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
