____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
