Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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