i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
