you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
