I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
