he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
