I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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