Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
