put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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